Violation!
I'm afraid I must report a severe violation of the man code. It happened just a few days ago, and I can only just now muster up the strength to speak of it.
Me and two of my co-workers were in the lab. One of them, who's name I shall hide to protect his shame, suddenly turned to me and the other co-worker and said, and I shit you not, "So, did you guys see the Oprah..." And I have no idea what he said after that. My incredulity circuits overloaded and I think I blacked out. When I came to, he was babbling about the bird flu or something.
Needless to say we've taken proactive action and suspended his man card until he's watched 2 seasons of South Park (or equivalent) and then he's on probation for 6 months.
Neolithic Jackass
They say that any day you learn something is a day you haven't wasted. I submit that there are things that you can learn that make your day just as wasted as before. To that extent, yesterday I learned, through a random Wikipedia page, about
Century Eggs. If you don't feel like reading the article, basically you take an egg, drop it into a plaster made of lime, salt, ash and a couple other things, burying it for a couple months, and then eat it. After a couple months the egg looks like this:
It is a delicacy from China and has been around for a long time. Now. I have two simple questions.
1) What events sparked this discovery?
2) Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to eat it?
Regardless of how it might taste, who was the first one who said, hmm, this very dark green and black egg that used to be a chicken egg, has been buried for half a year and might be good eating. There are many other instances of things like this. How many fishermen did they go through before they found the one part of the blowfish that you can eat that isn't poisonous. How did someone decide that they can make milk go bad a little and become cheese and that's okay to eat.
The solution? A Neolithic version of Jackass.
Thak: Thak find strange berry. Thak give Og pretty rock if Og eat berry.
Og: Give Og berry! Want pretty rock!
Og: (eats berry, dies horribly)
Thak: Og?...Og?....Og dead. So, no eat strange berry.
Ungh: (nods)
Thak: Now, Thak find nasty egg. Thak give Ungh pretty rock if Ungh eat egg.
Ungh: Give Ungh egg! Want pretty rock!
Ungh: (eats egg)
Ungh: Mmmmm....Now give Ungh pretty rock!
Review
I've decided to do the occasional movie review. Mainly because I want to foist my opinions on an unsuspecting, and undeserving, public. They will contain some small bit of spoilers as it would otherwise be a silly review. I can also guarantee that you will undoubtedly hate my opinions since I have what I would like to call an eccentric taste in movies (though it probably comes down on the wrong side of lame instead). I can promise you that these reviews will be from a guys perspective. Sorry ladies. Finally, I always look at movies as entertainment. I don't look for movies that are "deep" or "thought provoking", award winning movies about gay cowboys eating pudding, or anything that Oprah would recommend. I spend 8+ hours a day having to think, plus graduate school, so I'm all tapped out come Friday night.
Anyhoo.
Underworld: Evolution
Geek Index: 3.75/5.0 (It's a vampire movie.)
Date Movie Value: 1.25/5.0 (Be prepared to grovel to see it)
Enjoyment Rating: 4.5/5.0 (Definitely worth a view)
This past weekend I saw Underworld: Evolution. A continuation of the first Underworld movie, this one starts pretty much the evening after the first one ends. It stars Kate Beckinsale as Selene: a skin-tight-leather-clad vampire, and Scott Speedman as Michael: a very confused guy who in the span of one evening has gone from a medical intern to a super powerful unique hybrid vampire-werewolf. I'd be confused too. They spend the whole movie trying to prevent the first vampire from freeing the first werewolf (they're brothers) who has been imprisoned for a number of centuries. At one point the two main characters get it on, which many have said was a gratuitous sex scene. Mainly because they don't fade to black after they start. There's a whole other discussion about what is gratuitous and what is not, but it boils down to which side of the Atlantic Ocean we're living on. Ripping peoples (or supernatural things) heads off graphically is OK, but showing a slightly prolonged sex scene where you see a little boob is BAD. It's a rated R movie. Deal.
The other major theme of this movie is the audience getting the details of how the whole werewolf/vampirism phenomenon began. And DAMN. I hate to be the Comic Book Guy here, but can't you people (read: Hollywood) pay just a tiny bit of attention to continuity?? I mean, fuck people, did no one proof read the script?? I humbly submit my resume to be a continuity editor. To keep movies from contradicting previous movies, or in some horrid cases, themselves. Needless to say there are a number of issues with the events as they're described in the first movie, with how they're explained in the second movie. The time-line is all bizarred: there's just not enough time for things to have happened, and Selene is WAY too old. If that sort of thing bothers you then you'll have to just try to ignore that and concentrate on hot chick in tight leather.
All in all, its a very enjoyable movie. It's not as super geeky as you might think, mainly because of the sudden mainstreamness of all things geek, and also because it's just a well done vampire movie. As far as a date movie, it depends on your girl. But even if you're with a real girly-girl, you can probably get away with taking her without spending a great deal of time repenting, though it may take some convincing. Personally I liked the first one better, but this one is good enough that I'd be willing to see a third one.
Returned
My long absence is over, and I once again have thoughts to share. Mainly in the form of a good old fashioned what-the-fuck.
This first WTF is WTF is wrong with Missouri and driving? You should not have to constantly pass on the right, while barely exceeding the speed limit. Hey you! Yeah, you! The one driving the extendo-van full with a church youth group. Either get your 52-in-a-70 driving butt over to the right lane, or stop singing and use that vertical petal on the right. Also, please note that if there is a highway patrol car going 62 in the right lane, it is perfectly legal to pass them in the right lane going 64, 67, 69 or even 70 mph. This is not NASCAR, they are not a pace car.
To continue a geographical theme: We stopped at a Wendy's to get lunch. We were 3rd in line. It took 25 minutes. W.T.F? If you are so stoned that you can't remember what size fry to make in the time it takes you to turn around and face the fry station, maybe you shouldn't be at work. Managers, also keep in mind that if your staff is baked out of their gourd, perhaps you should send them home. Or fire them. Don't let them ponderously make burgers to the extreme annoyance of your customers. It makes us cranky.
WTF happened to Christmas day football?
My little 1-year-old nephew is not allowed naps (WTF) for reasons I've not heard from my sister. So he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up at 5am. Have you ever noticed how a baby's crying/screaming can cut through all the ambient noise and interference and cause some sort of dis-harmonic imbalance in your brain stem? WTF is that about? Some sort of
[ATTENTION PEOPLE IN KANSAS. PLEASE SKIP THIS SECTION]
evolutionary thing where babies that could generate certain harmonics would survive in the wild because their parents/pack mates would do something about it?
[PEOPLE IN KANSAS READ THIS SECTON]
defense mechanism that God^H^H^H the Grand Designer put into place to help parents care for their young?
[END DANGEROUS THOUGHT SECTION]
So WTF is it called now? Social-Intelligent-Designism? That some people were purposely designed to be cheerleaders, and some to be in the chess club?
There's a song. I don't remember the name, or even who sings it. But it's popular enough to be played a couple times an hour on the radio. Every time it comes on I think "this is it. This will finally be the time I understand the lyrics". And I'm wrong. Every. Single. Time. W_T_F is he singing?? What I hear:
Going Downtown (something not in english: nanamilliuwah??)
Sugar wood going down swinging.
I'll be your number one with a bully.
Know you got complex,
Cock-eyed and pulley.
WTF is wrong with Financial Aid offices around the country? Why do they all suck? Is it a job requirement to be as incompetent as possible to work there?
WTF is up with this post anyway?
