Incoherently unsophisticated

Home that way

I have a problem. I am directionally challenged. More specifically, I tend to get lost if I venture down streets I've never been down before. Thus I usually stick to the route I use most often. Tonight, that route was clogged with traffic. Epic traffic. The kind of traffic that songs are made about. So I did what I told myself I would never do, I turned down a different road. And for the first time, actually made it home.

My problem is either the direct result of, or exaserbated by, the fact that I live in Atlanta. The town with 32....32!!....streets containing the word "Peachtree". Also, no road is straight. I think there is a law on the books about how each street must have at least 3 major direction changes. There are several places where a road intersects itself. And even though I've lived here for nigh on a decade, I still can't seem to plot an alternative course. Back in my gaming, dorm living days, I once got lost in a Quake II CTF match...for 30 minutes. It was...embarassing in a geek sort of way.

Growing up in good ol' Overland Park, the roads actually made sense. Numbered roads would actually be parallel to other numbered roads. Not in an air-quote kind of way like they are here, but in the true mathematical spirit of the word. I new that if I was on 119th, and wanted to get to 95th, I could make a left turn and be there in no time. Here, though, such logic is simply punished. Lower Roswell "parallels" Old Canton, except that it doesn't. It's not like you can make a right from one and end up on another. Noooo, do that and you could end up in Gwinett, Hell or worse, Alabamistan.

I guess directionally challenged is not the best description because I have a general cave man ability. I usually know "Home that way". Which is what causes me all the problems. I know its to the north so I turn onto a northward running road, only that it suddenly turns and goes south. Atlanta just does that to you. You travel north through downtown. I75 goes on the western side of the city, I85 goes on the eastern side. Which is why I75 is on the RIGHT and I85 is on the LEFT.

But tonight, things change. I knew that "home that way"....so I went the other way. And here I am.

posted by wrmblnwrck @ 9:06 PM 2 comments

Fanboy

I'm sitting here basking in the bliss and rapture of my newly installed ceiling fan. It occurs to me that this device had to have been conceived with divine inspiration or favor. I mean whoever invented this has to be alright. If they were a Viking then warrior death or not I'm sure he's drinking mead in Valhalla. If they were Ancient Egyptian then they'd probably be made a minor diety or something after a thousand years. Cuz this thing rocks.

This is also the reason I could never EVER appear on Trading Spaces or the ilk. You know the show where some "designer" comes in and totally screws up your room, and you're supposed to say how much you love the Pepto-Bismol pink floors and the bowling balls glued to the walls. I couldn't do that show because they'd take my ceiling fan down and I wouldn't be pleasant. Ceiling fans are anathema to these people (as are fireplaces) for some unfathomable reason. Anyone who lives where it is a) hot and/or (especially and) b) humid who also gets to sign the check on the utility bill for air conditioning knows that a fan can make a huge difference.

So I'm going to just sit here and enjoy actually being comfortable in my obviously unchic room.

posted by wrmblnwrck @ 9:47 PM 0 comments