Wednesday, May 31, 2006

In The End, There Can Be Only One

I happened to notice a commercial the other day for Lucky Charms. Other than being all CGI now, it was pretty much the same Lucky Charms commercial from whan I was a kid. Until the end. Where they showed the different "flavors" of Lucky Charms. Apparently now they have Berry Lucky Charms and Chocolate Lucky Charms.

My question to you: When did Lucky the Leprechaun defeat and consume the powers of Frankenberry and Count Chocula??

Is that what happened to Boo Berry, and the Cookie Crook? What about the Honey Smacks frog? Are the old cereal mascots meeting each other in dimly lit parking decks with samurai swords?

If so, my money's on the Cap'n

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Chef just got shafted. Apparently, the supplier of the voice of Chef, on South Park, is bailing out. He's had enough. Was it Mr. Hanky? no. Masterbaiting a dog? no. Making fun of scientology? Whoa. Stop right there. That's crossing a line mr, and there's no coming back.

Out of all of that, I feel the most sorry for Chef. Because you just know he's going to be taking it in the ass for this one. This is exactly the kind of thing that the makers of South Park like to make fun of, and there's blood in the water. Look for one of the first episodes of the new season to be make Token's name a little more truthful. And for Chef to have something really horrible happen to him.

And I hate computers. Just so you know. Between work and gradschool, I have come to loathe the very things that bring me employment. I can't even play a good computer game anymore. Hopefully my blogging will pick back up, and not continue to suffer.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Dragonball-Z Effect

I am going to be hard pressed to recall where I heard this one. Maybe one of my friends, thoguh some quick googling shows that it was most likely somewhere online. What it boils down to is when a TV show, or story ends up all out of proportion as time goes on. Now, I've seen Dragonball-Z exactly once. Not large for the anime. But that's just me. Apparently, the characters in this show started out at one power level and by the end of it were so ridiculously (thank you spellcheck) powerful that they could have destroyed the universe.

But you can see this same sort of effect in any show that has lingered long past its shelflife. It's easiest to see it Sci-Fi, but I'm sure it would be relevant in just about any genre. Any show that thinks they have to be exponentially funnier or cooler than the previous episode/season. Iron Chef could suffer from this: "Last week the secret ingredient was halibut. This week its squid ink. Next week, the ingredient is an egg from a Dodo bird". Or that crazy show Wife Swap. "Last time we swapped a neat freak with a slob. This week we're swapping a practicing Wiccan with an insane religous fundamentalist who faintly resembles the bus driver from South Park."

The two shows that I watch that are suffering from the Dragonball-Z effect are Stargate SG-1, and Charmed.

Stargate started out with a ragtag Air Force outfit trying to explore the galaxy through an alien (sorta) device. They piss off technologically advanced alien parasites who pretend to be gods. They start off by merely averting the distruction of earth a couple times. Then they took out the one of the more annoying aliens. Fine. I could still believe that. Later they had to fight little machines that can make more of themselves and are hell bent on the destruction of the galaxy. Plus a whole cavalcade of these powerful aliens. Okay, I'm still on board. Then? Then came the powerful alien that was half accended to a higher plane. Hmmm....umm...okay I suppose. And now? Now they are fighting a group of fully accended beings who have ruled over a neighboring galaxy with an iron fist, draining their worshipers life forces to increase their own power. Yeah, you've lost me there. Sorry. Good luck with that though.

Now Charmed. Poor Charmed. They've what? Destroyed the Source of All Evil. Twice. Beat a super powerful demon turned god thing. The Titans. Not the ones from Tennessee, the ones that Zeus had to cast out. Plus a council of aforementioned god things. Need I continue? Oh! And this season they introduced a new character to try to revitalize the show. A blond college age demon hunter witch. Who we've just found out has a sister. A sister that is the "key". The "key" to ultimate power. Hmm. Now where have I heard that before?

I realize that the Simpsons have done everything, but could ya at least pretend to try?

Friday, February 24, 2006

Sure, I'll Share the Road. I'll also Share My Foot In Your Ass

Cyclists. You know who I'm talking about. Captain Spandex and his alien-carapice looking helmet. The guy who's all the way over on the right side of the road, but still taking up enough space that you can't pass him. Oh, and did I forget to mention he's doing about 15mph in a 45mph zone????? Look, I'm all cool with the idea of cycling. It's great exercise. God knows I can't throw stones since my usual exercise involves riding the elevator. If you want to play dress up and put on a space suit and go ride your bike. Fine. Seriously, fine.


Do you think, maybe...just maybe you could, oh I don't know, AVOID major surface streets at 530pm?? Fucking A people. And for that matter, Fucking B. If you can't even manage a substantial FRACTION of the speed limit, mayhaps you should find a different road.

Oh, oh, and what's really aggrevating is when you finally, finally manage to get past him, and speeding down the road you hit a red light. Boom. This gives him a chance to catch up. And what does he do?? He scoots by all the cars and goes to the front, thus forcing everyone to go slow again. Like Justice League rejects who decide that if they can't get the job fighting crime, they'll do the next best thing. Be a pace car.

Work + School == Grumpy

So I haven't blogged for a while. As has been pointed out to my by friends. (ahem Shanshu) For that I am very sorry :(. We've been stressing to reach a surprise deadline at work. This means I worked lots of extra hours, including fscking Saturday, getting home at freaking midnight one night. Oh, and I'm also in grad school. So for a while it was get home at 10pm, do school work til 3am, rinse repeat. Most of the time I would think "ooo, i've got to blog about that" but then I see my computer sitting there. Glowing at me. And I hate it. Cuz I work with them all freaking day.

Monday, February 13, 2006

And What Did We Learn Today?

Two-fer tuesday!

I'm a big fan of no day is wasted if you learn something especially if you are able to use it. Plus I read/watch a lot of sci-fi/fantasy. Which of course everyone knows to be a horrible waste of time that would be better spent reading War and Peace, The Great Gatsby et al. Except that I have managed to find nice little nuggets of information in those such things.

Waaay back in the day, the morning before the SATs, I learned what the word "potentate" was, and it helped me on that test that very day. In one of those "x is to y as z is to ____" questions. Where did I learn this?? Reading the comics. Calvin and Hobbes to be exact.

While reading "Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers" I learned that the phrase "Mayday!" for when your plane is going down, actually comes from french: "m'aidez". Which is "help me".

Today at work I got to use the word "laconic" which I learned from Buffy, to describe a coworker that doesn't like to spend time explaining things. Using exotic verbage in front of your boss is a good thing it seems.

Sadly, I can't think of anything else, though I know I have more examples.

Join the Throng

Tomorrow is of course, Valentines Day. A day where women are authorized to hold your penis hostage. Usually the negotiated release price is a card (fuck you hallmark), flowers, chocolate and a nice (read: expensive) meal. Depending on your girl, sometimes the price is less, or in rare cases more. Thankfully, my sweetie lets me off with a card and a nice meal. Card on Valentines day, and meal either on the 7th or 21st. Because she's awesome enough to realize it's an arbitrary day, and this way we aren't waiting for 3.5 hours to get dinner.

So today I joined the throng of men looking through the card (fuck you hallmark) section of the local drugstore. The biggest problem is that 97.667% of all Valentines Day cards are over the top. I mean WAY over the top. Like suborbital over the top. I prefer a card that has maybe some little humor to it. But for the most part you find something like:

To my eternal love: My love for you knows no depths, an undying flame that shines brightly through all the obsticles we've had to face. My love will continue to burn unending even through unyielding prose.

Honestly, even if you might feel that way who wants to read something so trite?? Because ladies, that ain't us. You'll find about 1 in 10000 guys who might feel okay orating like that, and most of those will be spending more time daydreaming about your girlfriends new hunk than you.

So, to sum up, fuck you hallmark, and good luck everyone getting your penis back.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Tales from the crypt

So, it's becoming exceedingly difficult for my whole blog thing to not turn from "my random musings" to "excessive rants from a disaffected software engineer". So I will instead leave you with this:

Everyone I know was comparing their list of favorite Superbowl commercials. No one was talking about the game, or anything other than the commercials. Fine. We're all capitalisms little bitches anyway. But what interested me more than anything was the half time show. I mean, damn. Despite the obvious problems stemming from advancing age, it was facinating. I'm not a Stones fan, but they are far cooler at 63 than I ever will be. And if you can still rock when you become a senior citizen and beyond, more power too you.

That being said. Does anyone else get a creepy when-was-the-last-time-someone-saw-them-in-daylight vibe from them?? Sometimes I think it's better to burn out than fade away, or fall apart. It's starting to get kinda disturbing. Maybe something like this:

(voice): Who disturbs my slumber?.
(roady #1): Um, lord. They wish you to do a performance.
(voice): Do they? Tell me more of this performance.
(roady #1): It's at what they call the "Super Bowl" in the New World. A sporting
event of sorts. You are wanted to entertain the crowd when the athletes rest.
(voice): I see. And will there be girls throwing panties like in olden times?
(roady #1): It will be arranged.
(roady #2): But, sir, it's in the States.
(roady #1 glaring): It will be arranged.
(roady #2): But, sir, the censors, Janet....
(roady #1 now furious): If the master wishes it, it shall be arranged!
(voice chuckling): Very well. But first Mick Jagger must feed!
(roady #2): Aaaggngngnngggg..gug..

I still wish I could be that much of a badass at their age!

Monday, February 06, 2006


Quick, without looking it up or asking your neighbor, name the 5 members of Scooby-Doo.

I'll even give you one: Scooby-Doo.