Shine Thy Scarlet Splendor Upon Me My Children
A realization came to me the other day on the way home from work. Now before I continue you have to understand my drive. I live about 10 miles from work, and it takes anywhere from 25 minutes to an hour to get home. There are 17 lights between home and work. I know this because one of the things I do to keep my mind occupied is see what the ratio of red lights to green lights I get. Usually its somewhere in the realm of 10:7. So I hit a lot of red lights. Other people have made mention of this if I'm driving.
But lately I've taken to not counting some of the green lights. You know the kind that are in front of a fire station, or school. The kind that only turn red at very specific times. I didn't think they should count since its not a normal traffic event that would trigger them to change. I named them Eternals, since they are perpetually one color. I've actually come up with mental names for a bunch of different kinds of red lights. The kind that wait until you've just stopped to turn green again (Little Bitch). The kind that wait until the last possible second to turn red so you either have to stop, or hit the intersection at a relativistic speeds (Cock Tease). The kind that just stay red while you approach from miles away (Stoic). That's when it hit me.
So, I have a super power. Everyone does really. Some little unique quirk that sets them apart from people. Some people are remarkably charming, some people always win free cokes. One of my friends will come up with a random, but contextually appropriate movie quote, and that movie will come on TV within 24 hours. But my super power is to hit red lights. Not a very prominent super power. Definitely not Super Friends material. I won't be in the League of doodly with that power, though I might get a gig on The Tick.
As a power, it ranks up there with The Ability To Communicate With Corn, or The Ability to Accurately Apply Anti-fungal Cream. But hey, it's mine.
SPOOOOOOON!!!!!
posted by wrmblnwrck @ 2:47 PM
4 Comments:
I completely have to get out of here, but I couldn't leave without mentioning a superpower you forgot: Magnetic Colon
I forget what Ari's was. . .
And to mention that my superpower is, in any given situation, to make a joke the MOST offensive to the listener, whether it be their mother their cousin or their sister. Foot in Mouth disease.
10 points for mentioning The Tick in your post.
5 points for coming up with a great name for those lights that never change color: Eternals.
Hey Rich,
Where does "Ability To Point Out That A Group Falls Silent Every Seven Minutes And Thus Haunts Every Friend You Had In High School" fit in as a super power?
Turns out you have two.
Dammit, Rich.
;)
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