Incoherently unsophisticated

Mr. Foot, meet Mr. Mouth

A funny thing happened on the way to the hotel today. I'm on a business trip. The kind that really suck. Nothing works. The kind of trip that if a meteor fell on me it would be "well, that sucked. But at least I don't have to work on this fscking project anymore". And I'm trying not to take it out on the random shop clerks and waiters that I run into that evening.

So I kinda put myself on auto pilot so I can stew. Where outwardly I'm being all pleasant but secretly thinking dark thoughts. I'm only vaguely aware of things that are going on around me. I decide that a good book might get my mind off of things so I stop in the local B&N.

I grab a book, and head up to the counter. The girl behind the cash register asks me how my day is going. Now normally you just say "fine" or "great" regardless of if you've just won $10 million, or if you've had a stray dog poop on your shoe and then eat your foot. But fuck that, I'd had a miserable fucking day, so I wasn't going to lie. I said "Ungh, long day at work I guess". She looks at me and says "yeah, well, at least yours is over with."

Oops, now I've accidentally pissed her off. Keep in mind I'm sort of on auto pilot, not really thinking about what I'm doing, and I'm trying to be pleasant. I over compensate. She hands me the bag and my receipt. And I can feel myself talking, while the rest of me catches up, like a slow-motion scene where there's someone diving, hand outreached, yelling "Noooooooooo". Like the left side of my brain finally realizes what the right side is doing and tries to stop it. Too late. I'm actually saying the words. I say, "Well, I hope you get off sometime tonight." Eaagh! I really just said that didn't I. I pause, horrified at the unintended double entendre. She looks at me funny. I leave. Beating a hasty retreat to a place where I won't have to talk to people, since I clearly should not be allowed in public.

posted by wrmblnwrck @ 9:34 PM